Thursday, January 29, 2009

Bente Singko

January 30, 2009

25 Most Random Things You Don’t Know

1. I hate snakes. I don’t care if it’s on tv, if it’s real, or if it’s a picture, or a drawing, or even a stuffed animal. It terrifies me.

2. I’m a sucker for all reality shows. I can spend the whole day on etc and not move an inch. Seriously.

3. Vanilla and honey are my favorite scents.

4. I am trying so hard to finish my chic novel, and I hope Elaine loves me enough to feature it in her magazine IF EVER it gets published! Lol!

5. I adore Tyra Banks. So fierce!

6. I always wanted to be like Samantha Jones, the epitome of women power!

7. My temper gets so bad when I’m pms-ing. And I would often end up scolding my brother for the pettiest thing.

8. I always end up feeling horrible and guilty every time no. 7 happens.

9. Sailor Moon is my childhood superhero.

10. I work at Toyota Alabang as a marketing professional, so if anyone wants to buy a car, not to mention get the best deals, beep me :)

11. I can’t go to sleep in total silence. So, I’d turn my fan on, or the radio just for the sake of having noise.

12. There is a married guy stalking me.. and he’s giving me all the creeps. Pepper spray, anyone?

13. I don’t have a graduation picture :(

14. I’ve only been to a roller coaster twice.

15. When I was little, I always thought I’d become a lawyer like my dad, or an engineer like my uncles, or a doctor like my cousins. I never thought I’d love the arts.

16. I go gaga over sales, 50% offs, and holiday deals.

17. I cry every time I watch an episode of “I Propose.”

18. My priceless possession would be the pictures I’ve taken from January 2008 to present.

19. I always say that I will buy a washing machine and dryer on my first paycheck.

20. I can’t wait to be thirty two. Because by then, I’m sure I’m stable and secure. I can pay my bills, send my parents and brothers on a trip around the world, start my own charity, publish my fourth novel, and so much more. 

21. I fear death. And most often, I ask God why He’s given me a life only to take it away in the future.

22. It hurts to give up my afternoon naps.

23. I watch American Idol religiously.

24. I want my dad to give me a fridge on my 23rd birthday.

25. I often go to the home and living sections of department stores and say “someday, I’ll buy this, I’ll buy that” as I pick out stuff I’d want to have in my dream home.

Posted by Madison in 17:05:13 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mr. Slow

January 29, 2009

12:32 am

I think I’ve already mention this married guy who’s been pestering me at work. I went to work today and I was glad when I didn’t see him when I arrived. But when I was about to go, I saw the last person in the planet I’d want to see. So I rushed out the office and walked across the street to take the jeepney to Festival mall.

I was waiting for maybe ten minutes but the jeepney to festival mall was taking so long. And then, just when I dreaded for it to happen, it happened.

I saw HIM, crossing the street, taking long strides towards me, and all the time I was telling myself “No, Please, don’t.” And then he offered me a ride which I politely refused. 

Yes, I politely refused for about a bazillion times and he still didn’t get it. He just won’t back off that I’m beginning to consider taking out my pepper spray. I’ve told him NO for million times I can remember and in all languages known to men, but he still won’t back off. What’s wrong with the world?

I’m glad that a jeepney to the mall came to save me and before I know it, I was safe on my seat, and was looking forward shopping.
Posted by Madison in 16:38:55 | Permalink | No Comments »

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I Got My First Job

January 28, 2009

1:30 am

When I was still a bum, I was wondering how it will feel to have my first job. When I thought about it, I would always imagine myself jumping for joy and telling everyone about my job. You know, just like an excited six-year old who found out she’s going to the carnival.

But then I got my first job. I was hired, but I didn’t feel like how a kid would had she been told she’s going to ride the ferris wheel.

It was more of indifference on my part.

There were no butterflies in my stomach, no music playing in the air, no rainbow colors everywhere. Just me and the HR telling me I’m hired.

So I go home, wondering why when something right is happening, there I am, feeling something wrong.

I wasn’t excited about it. I wasn’t actually looking forward to it, and much more, this whole new job thing took me away from my first love which is writing.

For a week now, I haven’t written anything, I haven’t started the 12th chapter of my novel, and though I’ve tried, it wasn’t good enough.

All of a sudden, I got a job and lost everything: my passion to write, my excitement towards my novel, my drive to finish what I’ve started, my dream of becoming the next big thing. Everything was compromised and I’m left, feeling burned out.
Posted by Madison in 16:30:13 | Permalink | No Comments »

One Week

January 27, 2009

5:20 pm

One Week, one weak

In my previous entries, I’ve been whining and ranting about how my life is not turning out that well so, I decided to leave home for a week and just go round and about wherever. There actually wasn’t any plan. All I wanted is a change in environment.

I went back to my home university to see old friends and I get to see more than I expected. I’ve seen old college friends who are now working in Makati and he looks very happy. I had a dinner date with my girlfriends and I poured my heart out the way I used to. It’s a very warm feeling to be surrounded by people who I know would love me and care for me no matter.

And then, I got this unexpected message from Toyota. Meh. They’re calling me for a final interview that I have to leave LB and go back home to prep. The following day, I got the job.

And I feel indifferent. I thought I should be happy. I mean, it’s nice I got the job I want, but I thought you know, that when I get it, I would jump for joy, tell my friends, call my family, etc. etc. But I didn’t and I don’t know why.

And then there’s the Hed Kandi party my sister and I went to. They’ve got the coolest house music! but the crowd was lousy, sad. sad.

But I have to give them credit for partying it up from 3am onwards. It was fun dancing, and it was like my ultimate exercise of the week. And though my killer heels was totally killing my toes, I would still say it was the best manila party ever.

And I met this Turkish guy in the event and he’s really gorgeous, he looks like a cross between Troy Montero and Gerard Butler. Two days after, we went out on our first date, but that didn’t turn out well.

And then of course, I’m feeling horrible for going out on a date while my boyfriend is in the States. But going out on the date with that guy made me realize how much Chris means to me and how much I long for him.

All of a sudden, I just know it’s him and now I know that I can’t date anyone but him. I just hope he feels the same way, and hopefully, things will work out for the both of us, especially now that we’re talking on making time for us to talk regularly.

And I should not forget this one guy who’s married. He also has a son I think and just very recently he told me he wanted to date me. And as shallow as this might sound, I instantly told him that my boyfriend is very handsome and he’s in med school, and he loves me, and he knows me, warts and all and yet he appreciates me.

And this guy said I don’t want to go on a date with him, of fear of getting emotionally attached to him. The nerve of that guy.

And I bought pepper spray just incase he stalks me. And I will definitely report him at work if he does anything offensive.

So I think I’ve been complaining all the time that my life is boring, and uneventful, and monotonous. I can’t believe one week can make all the changes.

So much for color. 

Posted by Madison in 09:50:22 | Permalink | No Comments »

Monday, January 19, 2009

Young Love

January 19, 2009


I was talking with my cousin and he’s in DC for the inauguration of president-elect Obama. And he’s also there for another reason, which is to meet with the girl he adores.

So yeah, he really likes this girl but the thing is they both live in different states, and the girl told him she doesn’t feel the same.

I mean, they’ve been telling each other i love yous and my cousin thought the feeling is mutual. Apparently, the “love” that the girl is referring to, is merely a no-more-than-friends kind of love.

Which really sucks.

I’ve been seventeen once and that’s enough for me to know and experience puppy loves and whatnots. But it’s just so sad, seeing my cousin sad and distracted. He probably thinks he could never find another.

I should know since that’s what I felt on my first heartbreak. 

We’ve had a long talk and I told him everything that I could come up with to make him feel better and I do hope he does feel better.

And I really meant every word I told him. I said that everything is easier said than done, and it’s not going to be easy, but the there is no point pushing yourself to someone who can’t love you back.

It’s like shopping for the perfect pair of shoe. If it doesn’t fit now, it won’t ever, no matter how long you wait. So what better thing to do than move on to the next pair and try all over again.

My cousin is young, and he’s very handsome, and he’s just about to enter college. I hope he finds his perfect pair soon.
Posted by Madison in 08:05:19 | Permalink | No Comments »

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Girlfriends

18 January 2009

8:51 in the morning

Lately, I’ve been feeling depressed and it’s probably because of the monotony of my life. Ever since I’ve gotten out of college, I’ve been spending most of my days in my room, writing, or in the living room, watching a bazillion of tv.

I wish I could go back in a college dorm, where I can knock on the other rooms and talk with my closest friends. 

It’s really sad when I need my girls for pep talks.. and it’s double the sadness when I feel as though I’m alone. I can’t even call my friends and ask them to hangout since they’re all busy with work. And for the most part, they’d all want to sleep after a tiring day rather than go to the movies or something.

It’s a totally different world outside the circle of the university. And I thought that after college, I could go out and have more fun since you know, no more school assignments or exams.. but that’s the misconception.

Look at me, I’ve graduated, I should be ready to conquer the world, but instead, I’m not happy.
Posted by Madison in 00:20:30 | Permalink | No Comments »

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Long Distance Love Affair

January 17, 2009


So I was catching up with my friend Candace and our little chit chat covered most of what’s happening with each other’s love lives.

She told me that she thinks she’d remain single forever since she’s been in two failed relationships. I can tell that after her attempts for a happily-ever-after love story, she’s been burned and she’s lost the will to trust again.

And then she asks me how I’m holding up with my long distance relationship with Chris.

I simply told her that he’s coming to visit after the spring semester.

I know I make it sound too easy, but in reality, it’s really hard. It drives me nuts, not seeing him when I want to. And though there has never been a trust issue, it’s just sad when you want to do boyfriend-girlfriend stuff and he’s not around.

I guess finding the perfect love story is hard, but making the perfect ending is harder.
Posted by Madison in 07:49:24 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, January 16, 2009

A Life Crisis

16 January 2009

9:23 am
gaaaah!

Lately, I’ve been feeling empty and incomplete.

I dunno, but a little part in me is not happy. I feel that there is a big thing lacking in my life and I don’t know what that big thing is. It’s like I wake up each day and let the day pass without anything happening to my already too dull life.

I feel as though I’ve been wasting a lot of time, and those times that I’ve wasted, I can no longer take back.

Yes, I get by every day, but it’s not enough. I want flavor, I want spice in my life and it’s not happening.

It’s like I can’t find meaning to my life anymore. And it scares me the most, thinking that I’m just throwing my life away instead of living it to the fullest.
Posted by Madison in 00:52:42 | Permalink | No Comments »

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A Bum’s Life

12 January 2008

8:55 am

Fresh from the shower

What if all I want to do my entire life is go to a beach and read a novel?

When I was still in school, I always wonder why a lot of bums could only care less. I mean, I’d always have a not-so-nice thing to say about them, like they should get a life, get a job, settle down. They should help their parents, step up, and work for a living.

I am also the kind of person who always says that I’ll work as soon as I graduate from college.

And here I am, three months after graduation, living the life of a bum, not to mention enjoying it, no matter how terrible that sounds.

I think convenience is something most bums can’t live without. I mean, when the rain is pouring hard, I’m glad I don’t have to go to work. Otherwise, I would worry about my shoes getting soaked in the rain, or just the water splatters that will ruin my skirt. I know it sounds so childish, but I think that even a petty thing can be stressful to your average working girl who needs to walk a few blocks to ride a jeepney amidst the pouring rain.

Yes, I feel so bad and horribly guilty for staying at home. I feel so guilty that my dad has to see me home, lazying around and watching tv, not to mention munching on chips while channel surfing.

My family has been ultra loving and totally understanding and I am just so fortunate to have them. I know people who are pressured by their parents to look for a job, and to work in no time. Some of my friends even have to travel a couple hours to go to work and stay for a long time.

Now, I think I make my parents sound as though they tolerate my being irresponsible, but they do tell me time and time to look for a job. And I know for a fact that I also go to interviews here and there, but then there’s just not too much initiative coming from me. The reason for my lack of desire is simply not wanting to let go of convenience… YET.

And here’s another thing I’ve kept hidden from my family. Though they’ve been seeing me wasting my time all day at home, what they don’t know is that I’m writing a novel. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish what I’ve started, and what I don’t know all the more is if any publishers will be interested when it’s done. It’s a big risk, really. Too much at stake and a lot opportunities missed because I’ve chosen to write than to do follow up calls.

I don’t know if it’s still naive to do something that I really want to do, and that I can see myself doing in forever. Seriously, I would go to job interviews. I’ve tried PR, I’ve tried sales, I’ve tried events, and even teaching interviews, but the moment I step to those worlds, the sooner I want to get back to my computer and finish my novel.

If in the future, I turn out rich and famous, then I’ll know that somewhere between the bumps and curves, I made the right thing. And if not, who cares? I’m just a tiny dust in a spectrum of genius. 

But seriously, if I fail, I can always start again, maybe a little late, and a little behind, but there’ll be no regrets since I didn’t settle for something, that for me, is called less.

Posted by Madison in 23:55:35 | Permalink | No Comments »

Cold Feet

11 January 2009

9:23 am

Freezing from the shower

I love that it’s cold because that means I have a reason to wear my sweat shirts and not look crazy. I love that it’s cold because that means I don’t have to complain about the humid weather. I am not crabby when it’s cold and that’s good. The only thing I don’t want about it is the dry skin and chapped lips that comes with it, but there’s always tons of lotion and lip balm to take care of that.

I really missed this kind of weather, dry, breezy, and cold. I know that I have to enjoy while it lasts because I’m sure it will only be a moment of time before summer hits the corner. 

And although I’m delighted with this 75 degree weather, tanning under the sun is something to look forward to as well.

Posted by Madison in 00:19:06 | Permalink | No Comments »